


Middle Earth: [ The Game ]

by jadeyes914



Category: The Hobbit (Jackson Movies), The Hobbit - All Media Types, The Hobbit - J. R. R. Tolkien
Genre: 1990s-2000s references, Alternate Universe - Everyone Lives/Nobody Dies, BAMF!Bilbo, BAMF!Wizards, Breaking the 2nd to 3rd Wall, Courtship, Dealing With Trauma, Dwarf Culture & Customs, Emotional Rollercoaster, Fix-It, Gamer Humor, Idiots in Love, Lost in Austen inspired, Millennial Bilbo, Multi, Mutual Pining, RPG, Ready Player One inspired, Slow Burn, Snarky Bilbo, So many twists and turns, Social Networking, Video Game Mechanics, You will get whiplash, communication problems, fantasy and reality converge, genre savvy Bilbo, pop culture references, so much crack
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-07-21
Updated: 2020-12-15
Packaged: 2021-03-05 01:01:40
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 6
Words: 13,775
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25415848
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/jadeyes914/pseuds/jadeyes914
Summary: Missions:Dinner| Time limit 09:07:30 |You have one wizard and thirteen famished dwarves arriving for dinner to discuss your adventure. Be sure to make a good first impression and satisfy their stomachs. Mini game at your kitchen can be done to prepare more fulfilling dishes. Ingredients can be bought in the marketplace.Completed | Grade: AReward: +5 ReputationPack| Time limit 00:20:30 |Prepare for the long quest to Erebor. Pack up everything from the list on your desk. Additional items are allowed, but be careful for it eats up stamina.Completed | Grade: A-Reward: +2 HealthNote: You forgot your handkerchief.Blast it.___Note: Repost story from old account, which was lost.
Relationships: Bilbo Baggins/Thorin Oakenshield, Kíli (Tolkien)/Tauriel (Hobbit Movies), Lobelia Sackville-Baggins & Lotho Sackville-Baggins
Comments: 38
Kudos: 59





	1. Welcome

**Author's Note:**

> This is my take on what happened to the Blue Wizards: Pallando and Alatar.

Congratulations! You have been specially selected as a beta-tester for Valar’s breakout roleplaying game, Ｍｉｄｄｌｅ Ｅａｒｔｈ.

We’re very excited to confirm that you are one of the lucky few chosen for an early access into Middle Earth. As a beta-tester, your cooperation and feedback will be vital to our efforts in creating the best possible experience for the future, when this magical story-based game will finally become open-to-all.

Once you enter Middle Earth, your account will immediately be activated, and you will have the duration of one day to adjust to the game functions before the main story begins. Any problems you encounter can be easily taken care of with a quick alert to our tech support, which will be available to you 24/7. You will also have access to group chats with fellow beta-testers, in the main menu.

Before you start:  
We recommend registering your email here to receive the latest news and updates.  
We also recommend turning on your Location History to take full advantage of our Local Wireless Play feature, which allows players in the same area to play together.

We look forward to seeing you in **Middle Earth**.

\- the Valar

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Lost the password to my original account that I'd originally posted this on. I also deactivated the email address it was connected to some time ago, so I can't recover the password either. Reposting it here. Sorry for the confusion. I posted the first couple of chapters a long time ago, unfinished. My love for The Hobbit has just been rekindled recently, so I'm picking it back up again. Hopefully, my writing skills have only gotten better since then, plus I have new ideas for it now!


	2. Prologue

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Mission:
> 
> Recruitment  
> | Time limit 00:05:30 |  
> Meet with Gandalf the Grey, a powerful and wise wizard, who has traveled to the Shire with the express interest in recruiting you, Bilbo Baggins, for the long and dangerous quest to Erebor following the King of Durin's Folk and his company.

  


On the 22nd of September, the night sky had turned, twisted, and bleed a spiral of colors until suddenly something bright like a star fell like a glittering tear onto Earth. Bilbo followed its trail, hoping to find a meteor, and instead, found his dream come true: a wizard.

"Pallando of the Blue Wizards, at your service."

And just like that, Bilbo made his first best friend, who he came to call as simply "Pal." The wizard remained Bilbo's shadow and guardian for years. No one else knew better, because no one other than Bilbo could see him. The Blue wizard would tell him would tell him of terribly wonderful, magical tales that he dared believe exist. He told him things the socially awkward child desperately needed to hear.

Bilbo Baggins was special, and one day, he'd find out just how much.

Call it fiction or fable or an overactive imagination, but Bilbo swore to his peers on his goldfish Benny's watery grave that elves, dwarves, and, yes, even wizards were real. Especially wizards. His classmates would laugh and giggle in response, while the adults would merely chuckle but nod along. When one boy in class mockingly asked him if Santa Claus was real as well, Bilbo replied with all seriousness, eager to showoff his knowledge, "Actually, the real Saint Nicolas died centuries ago."

The Tooth Fairy isn't real. It's their parents leaving money under their pillows.

There is no gold at the end of the rainbow. Rainbows are just spectrums of light, which does not spit out money, little green men called Leprechauns, or Lucky Charms.

"Vacation to Jesus" is generally code for dead. Everyone dies and someday you will too.

Which resulted in him being sent to the principal's office for a much needed lecture on tact. "Was it something I said?"

The elderly woman rubbed her temple, attempting to sooth away a headache caused by the upset cries of children and parents alike. "Child, you’re practically a menace."

Despite that, Bilbo's days with Pallando were mostly peaceful. The wizard would tell him about his world: the Valar, Maiar, elves, dwarves, the rings, everything. His descriptions and words were so rich, it was almost as if he was there. In turn, Bilbo would teach him about his world: the Terminator 2 is the best movie ever, Batman is cooler than Superman, video games are forever, and so on. On nights when sleep evaded him, Pallando would sing him songs of the Shire until Bilbo fell asleep. On sunny days, they would climb up trees and spit out watermelon seeds as they snacked. They'd dive (or rather Bilbo would while Pallando watched in amusement) into neatly piled fall leaves, which his father had finally got all raked up, and get in trouble.

When they could, they'd race to the arcade, and Bilbo would spend most of his allowance on Mortal Combat, Tekken, and Space Invaders while Pallando spoke strategy. When his fears got the best of him, Pallando would look under the bed and in his closet to sooth him. When Bilbo was being bullied, Pallando would zap at their heels and scare them away. In the winter, Pallando would create shapes with the embers and smoke from the fireplace. Bilbo would teach him Christmas songs and admire the holiday lights.

Every now and then, Bilbo would catch Pallando staring up at the sky with such a sad expression it tore at his heart. Then he'd admit to his young friend, with misty blue eyes, "I miss my home."

Sometimes he swore he saw flashes of a world beyond this one, of a life that was taken from him. It was treasure just an inch out of his reach. An opportunity never seized, because it was never offered. A key without a lock. A door that refused to budge. He wasn't exactly sure why, but he knew that what he saw was as real as the air he breathed. Biblo wanted so badly to find a way back to that world for him and his friend. Why would Pallando lie to him?

Nothing came of it, until Bilbo jumped after that world, truly believing that he found the rift in time and space, like Pallando had fallen into to get to him. It ended tragically. He had fallen from the roof of his school, in clear view of everyone, onto the hard and unyielding pavement.

His upbringing was brought into question, and for a while, his parents were put under a harsh light of speculation. Rumors spread that Bilbo had tried to kill himself. Though no real evidence ever appeared, the townspeople still whispered amongst themselves. While Bilbo was recovering in the hospital, a priest visited him, who told him in no uncertain terms that Pallando was a demon in disguise tempting him to his death.

Frightened and upset from his near-death experience, he believed it. The priest then visited his house to exorcise the demon, which would've otherwise amused Pallando if Bilbo didn't want to expel Pallando from him. With soft, understanding eyes, Pallando sadly smiled at him and said, 

"Perhaps it is for the best. I have failed you, and for that I am deeply sorry. You will never truly know how much, but one day, I promise you this, my lad, I will bring to you the world you so dearly wish to see. You deserve no less..."

"... And I cannot possibly bear to fail you again."

The priest beamed at Bilbo at a job well done when he told him that Pallando had gone. Though Bilbo would miss him, his parents told him that it was time do the proper thing and grow up. And just like that, his childhood was over.

Bilbo stopped believing in silly unrealistic things like elves, dwarves, and wizards. Especially wizards. The world lost its sparkle and he had lost his best friend.

Pallando was a fake and a liar.

There's no such thing as magic.

Dreams die, and someday you will too.

However, on every 22nd of September, Bilbo Baggins would look up at the sky, searching. Waiting. Nothing came of it...

...until a single box suddenly appeared at his doorstep.

  


_From Your Pal,_  
  
_Happy Birthday_

  


* * *

  


“I’m looking for someone to share in an adventure with.”

Bilbo Baggins looked up from his seat for a moment, when he suddenly got up and jumped in place.

Gandalf stood back from leaning on his staff, his casual confidence and deference broken. Was... that a yes? He didn’t exactly expect him to jump (quite literally) to the call, at least not so quickly. “Are you quite well, Master Baggins?”

“Woopsies, wrong button,” Bilbo promptly stopped and looked around uncertainly for a bit. “Wait, how do I respond?”

‘Button?’ The worldly wizard paused himself. “A good morning is usually an appropriate response at this time of day, dear boy.”

“Wait, you can hear me?”

He smiled politely, though it did not reach his eyes. “I may be old, but my hearing hasn’t quite gone yet.”

“Oh! W-well! Good morning!”

With that, a moment of awkward silence stretched between them as Bilbo fiddled with his limbs, as if they were all new to him, and jumped in place a couple more times. Gandalf knew that it had been some time since he’d seen Belladona Took’s son (a few decades are of little matter to one as old as he), but had Bilbo become touched in the head since then? “Yes, good morning.”

What he had thought to say was stuck on the tip of his tongue, then died a lame death. He had this whole playful spiel ready for when he saw Bilbo, which was promptly ruined by Bilbo’s own strangeness that knocked Gandalf off-kilter instead.

“Gandalf, is it?” Bilbo asked him directly, though his eyes looked elsewhere, as if reading something in front of him.

If he wasn’t so concerned with his lucidity, he’d be flattered to have been remembered after all this time. “So you remember me? That’s good… I suppose. Are you sure that you’re quite alright?”

“Yes, of course. Sorry, I’m still getting a hang of everything. So this is where we start, eh?”

“Beg pardon?”

“Come on in! I’ve been waiting for you!”

‘You have?’ Having lost control of the conversation entirely, Gandalf helplessly followed after him to the front door before he abruptly stopped behind the hobbit. He looked down at his bewildering friend, who still seemed puzzled by his own limbs and unable to connect with the doorknob, as if it were a new concept to him. 

“Who puts a doorknob in the middle of the bloody door, anyway?” he muttered. He lifted his hand up slightly, and then down. Up, down, up, down. Up, grab, pause, twist. When the door finally swung open, Bilbo turned to face him with a bright, accomplished smile. “Have a seat! I’ll put the kettle on.”

‘By the Valar, and how long would that take?’

Gandalf considered his options: Bilbo may be a bit touched, but he seemed amiable, at least. If the young spirited boy that he knew was still in there (somewhere), it may yet be worth recruiting him on their quest, after all. Hopefully. “I’m afraid that I must keep this brief, dear fellow, and that means no time for even a drop of tea. I am needed elsewhere.”

He also really didn’t have the time for Bilbo to figure out how to boil water. 

‘I must really be desperate.’

“Right, right. Big important man, sure to have big important plans.”

“Certainly,” Gandalf responded, entirely uncertain. No, there was no time for second guessing! If he left the dwarves to their own devices, they were sure to perish, and there isn’t exactly a surplus of other hobbits with the willingness to step past the boundaries of Bree. “As I was saying before, I am looking for someone to share in an adventure with. Am I to understand, from your avidity, that you are amenable to this request?”

“Yeah, sounds awes—! I mean— C-certainly!” Bilbo backtracked, shuffled a bit, and cleared his throat, “It would be my pleasure, Mr. Gandalf.”

“Please, just call me Gandalf.” At least he got him to agree to come easily enough, if that’s any consolation. At this point, that was the least surprising thing about this whole strange interaction.

The hobbit gave him another bright, unabashed smile. His light cheerfulness reminded him of his younger days, when he played with the fireworks that Gandalf brought to the Shire, all those years ago. The memory warmed his heart. “And you may call me Bilbo.”

“Bilbo,” he nodded, his smile reached his eyes this time. “Then I shall inform the others.”

  


* * *

  


Mission:

Recruitment  
| Time limit 00:05:30 |  
Meet with Gandalf the Grey, a powerful and wise wizard, who has traveled to the Shire with the express interest in recruiting you, Bilbo Baggins, for the long and dangerous quest to Erebor following the King of Durin's Folk and his company.  
Completed | Grade: A  
Reward: +2 Health

  


  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Bilbo is way more enthusiastic about going on an adventure this time, because well, he thinks it's all just part of the game. That's the point of video games, right? Little does he know...
> 
> Anyway, yay second update! Any questions or comments would be much appreciated since this is my first fan fiction in a very, very long time. Otherwise, thanks for reading!


	3. Not Just Another Day

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which there's an exploration of game mechanics.

Now Playing: Mr. Blue Sky by Electric Light Orchestra

_So you’re probably wondering..._

Middle Earth News | Keep up with the news from Middle Earth!  
[ ✓ Following ]  
[ Software Information ]

Select a user. [ Bilbo Baggins ]

Account: bi****@g***  
Password: ***************|

[ OK ]

_How’d I get here? What is this? Where am I?  
  
All entirely pertinent questions._

Middle Earth - Beta | The Valar  
Though still in the beta-phase, Middle Earth is a promising new breakout game that promises a story-driven, open world adventure set in a fantasy universe. ` Read More...`

 _No seriously, where am I? I’ve never even heard of this game before. See, I’m just as lost as you are._  
  
 _I guess we’ll find out together, won’t we?_  
  
  
[ Play ]  
  


* * *

  
Bilbo starts the day off as well as he can expect from living with his cousins. On his birthday. In the middle of a pandemic.

So as you can see, his expectations are already fairly low to begin with.

Just as any other adult celebrating their birthday in the middle of the work week: He gets up. Gets to work. Chats with a coworker. Contemplates burning his workspace. Goes grocery shopping. Keeps away from everyone. Almost die from a stranger wearing kabuki makeup waving a footlong needle. Drives home. Considers doing chores. Takes a nap instead.

Except by “get to work,” I mean 3 feet away from his bed to his desk. By “coworker,” I mean his bipolar cat, Minnie. And by “stranger wearing kabuki makeup,” I mean exactly that. That’s another story for different time, however.

That’s where our story begins. He signed up for the Postal Service’s email delivery alerts, which should include pictures of your incoming mail (but often doesn’t) and packages you’re getting that day (or whenever they feel like). It is at least accurate in alerting you when something has actually been delivered, so he's kept it. It pings during his afternoon nap, helpfully letting him know that a package has been delivered.

Which is great. Maybe it’s a birthday present from his parents or some relative that probably regifted something from last year, but at least they remembered. When he opens the door, however, all he sees (other than his welcome mat that says, “Don’t come back”) is nothing.

Putting on his Sherlock Holmes hat, he considers the usual suspects, which is Lobelia, Lobelia, and oh yeah, Lobelia. Now, Bilbo doesn't actually live with his cousins, but they live so close by that it often feels like he does. Honestly, with her sticky fingers, it’s very much how you'd imagine living next to a raccoon den would be like. Except at least they’re cute and has the excuse of not knowing any better.

He pulls out his phone to shoot her a quick text, already dreading initiating a conversation. Talking with his fair cousin Lobelia is much like hitting your head against a brick wall, over and over. Eventually, if you’re very, very lucky, it’ll smash… Only to reveal another wall behind it, and the cycle starts all over again.

Though to be honest, that could just be the running theme to his life—running drunk, naked, and afraid while screaming, “You’ll never catch me alive!” before falling face first into a pigs’ pen. Sounds about right.

Messages | Lobelia >

Bilbo: Lobelia, did you take my package? I got an alert that a package was left, but there’s nothing there.

Lobelia: What makes you think that I took it? Are you still sore about that $10 that you left just lying around in your drawer for anyone take?

Bilbo: Wait, what?

Lobelia: You really need to let that go, sweetheart.

Bilbo: Lobelia Bracegirdle Sackville-Baggins.

Lobelia: Omg fine. No need to middle name me! I just put it in my car for safekeeping.

Bilbo: Lobelia.

Lobelia: You never know who might take it! There’s lots of porch pirates around these days... Someone else might not have been so gracious ;) so really it was all for you  
Biiillboo.

Bilbo: Ugh. I’m going into your car and getting it back.

Lobelia: How are you going to get inside if I have the key ye knob?

Bilbo: You never lock your door, you git.

Lobelia: Oh right.

Bilbo: Lord, give me strength.

Lobelia: While you’re in there can you clean it up a bit? Thanks!

* * *

  
[ Welcome to Middle Earth ]

The screen flashes back to the last auto-save, where Bilbo stands in the middle of his open door. The outdoor light spills into the warm hobbit-hole from the circular opening, his form casting a long shadow onto the floor of the smial. He stands with his back facing the screen as he watches Gandalf proceed onto this next task on his long To Do list to save Middle Earth, leaving Bilbo to prepare for what’s to come. For an instant, however, the grey clad wizard stops to call back to his small friend, “I shall be back by dinner!”

[ Wave ]

His hand comes up and, cueing for the player to move the joystick left and right, it awkwardly moves back and forth in a wave. He pauses a moment more to avoid any modern vernacular before speaking, “I’ll see you then!”

A mission prompt opens at the top right corner of the screen.

###### Dinner | Time limit 09:07:30

> You have one wizard and thirteen famished dwarves arriving for dinner to discuss your adventure. Be sure to make a good first impression and satisfy their stomachs. Mini game at your kitchen can be done to prepare more fulfilling dishes. Ingredients can be bought in the marketplace or found in your larder.

  
The playable character, Bilbo Baggins, turns around to walk into his home to take account of his larder and the ingredients within. Another prompt appears at the side of his screen:

> You are hobbit, a human-like race known for leading entirely peaceful and uneventful lives. They are half the size of Men, have large feet covered with tuffs of hair, and walk around barefoot. While you are a Baggins of Bag End, your mother was a Took, a family known for their adventurous and vivacious spirit. Before you, she adventured far from the comforts and security of the Shire, which was very unlike what a proper hobbit ought to do. Despite most hobbits' negative outlook on such exploits, and practically all other things that would make a gentlehobbit late for supper, you seemed destined to follow in her footsteps.

Well, this'll be a fairly short game if there isn't a little adventure, will it not? Bilbo surveys his surroundings, inspecting each room with avid curiosity, awe, and a bit of envy. Homeownership still seemed a far off dream to him (he rented), and this place truly did have all the comforts of home—it honestly reminded him of his parents' house. We can't all stay children forever, though.

[ Open door ] to the larder prompts a list on the side of his screen, showing his entire stock and what he can make with them, as well as what ingredients are missing to create other dishes. Feeling a little experimental, he grabs his coat and heads out the door in search of the market. He just needs a few more things to make cherry and apple pies, and he loves his sweets. Even virtual ones!

When you’re so excited about something that you entirely forget that you’re an introvert preparing for a party of *thirteen* rambunctious guests, you have only yourself to blame.  
  
  
 _This was a mistake._  
  


* * *

Settings

Turn on Game Tutorial? | on OFF

[ Switch ON ]

Turn on Tips and Tricks banner? | on OFF

[ Switch ON ]

Enable on-screen codex tabs? | ON off

Controls sensitivity adjustment. - ————o— +

Enable text alert notifications? | ON off

Questions? Contact Us  
  
  
Player ID: Bilbo Baggins (online) | Subject: Skipping dialog

Is there a button for skipping dialog?

  
Moderator | Subject: Re: Skipping dialog

During the beta-testing phase, dialog cannot be skipped, as we need beta-testers to have the full game experience in order to give useful feedback.

  
Player ID: Bilbo Baggins (online) | Subject: Re: Re: Skipping dialog

Ok, I guess I understand. I just have one other issue... The text-to-speech is really good (incredible actually), except for a few setbacks. I was in the marketplace looking for some ingredients for the first mission, right? Well, while I was counting my money to pay the merchant, apparently I said “ejaculated” instead of “miscalculated.” Yeah, that was fun. Had to leave after that. NPC merchant was incredibly responsive, by the way. Cheers.

  
Moderator | Subject: Re: Re: Re: Skipping dialog

We, at The Valar, are happy to know that you are having such an immersive experience so far. Is there anything else we can help you with?  
  


Player ID: Bilbo Baggins (offline)  
  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The kabuki incident is based on a real-life experience that I had, believe it or not.
> 
> Anyway, thanks for reading. Leave a quick comment, and I'll get back to you as soon as I can!


	4. An Unexpected Rave

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Bilbo remembers why parties were never his thing. The dwarves finally make an appearance, and Bilbo and Thorin butt heads.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I’ll be taking a bit of a break from this fan fiction, after realizing that I’ve updated it quite a few times within a week. There doesn’t seem to be that much interest in it anyway ;-; oh well. Thank you for reading.

“Dwalin,” the intimidating stout dwarf bows, with his eyes facing his host challengingly, “At your service.”

“Ah, uh, Bilbo Baggins, at yours,” he manages out. Of course the first one of the company to appear (and alone, at that) would be the one that looks like he could knock him down with a simple flick to his forehead. If there’s any consolation, that bodes very well for him as his companion. As long as they remain on decent terms, that is.

As Dwalin makes his way into his smial and introduces himself to the dinner table decked with food, his character stats pop-up next to him:

> ###### Dwalin, son of Fundin
> 
> Dwarf | Male | Age: 169 | Health: Good | Status: Hungry | Relationship: Skeptical | Class: Warrior | Health 60/100 | Defense 50/100 | Strength 70/100 | Speed 35/100 | Sneak 05/100 | Charm 05/100 | Magic 00/100

Seems pretty strong, with a decent defense. Dwalin is likely the party tank.

_But what are my stats? _Bilbo wonders, looking around for the option or setting to take a gander at them. He doesn’t have to search long, as when the hobbit catches sight of himself in a reflection, his own stats pop-up:__

____

____

__

> ____
> 
> ###### Bilbo Baggins
> 
> ____
> 
> Hobbit | Male | Age: 50 | Health: Perfect | Status: Curious | Class: Burglar | Health 15/100 | Defense 05/100 | Strength 10/100 | Speed 15/100 | Sneak 25/100 | Charm 30/100 | Magic 10/100
> 
> ____

_  
_  
_   
_

____

____

_WHAT!?_

____

____

____

__

> ____
> 
> ###### Bilbo Baggins
> 
> ____
> 
> Status change: Frustrated
> 
> ____

_  
_  
_   
_

  
“You’ve got to be kidding me,” Bilbo mutters to himself. Dwalin literally can just flick him comatose. All he’s really good for is sneaking around and chatting people up. Even then, those stats (sneak and charm) aren’t particularly high. _Please, please let me at least be the underdog who rises to the occasion, and not just some gofer. I refuse to be the lug. I will turn this game around, so help me._

____

At the door, another hard knock came, turning Bilbo’s attention back at his current house guest. Dwalin, whose mouth is currently too full to be opening and closing the way it is, simply leers at him expectantly, “Plan’n gettin tha?”

____

_I’ll just get right to it, then_ , Bilbo continues to grumble inwardly, his outlook on their future quest already soured. Nevertheless, determined to get this [ Mission: Dinner ] done, he opens the door to yet another dwarf and another character stats pop-up.

____

____

“Balin, at your service.”

____

____

__

> ____
> 
> ###### Balin, son of Fundin
> 
> ____
> 
> Dwarf | Male | Age: 178 | Health: Good | Status: Hungry | Relationship: Neutral | Class: Warrior | Health 50/100 | Defense 40/100 | Strength 50/100 | Speed 30/100 | Sneak 15/100 | Charm 35/100 | Magic 00/100
> 
> ____

_  
_  
_   
_

____

“Bilbo Baggins, at yours,” Bilbo sighs sulkily, jealously looking over the difference in their stats. It’s just not fair.

____

This is going to be a long journey.

____

____

____

* * *

____

____

____

Gandalf is a bastard.

____

When he says that the company will be gathering at his place to discuss the quest specifics together and rest before they begin, he’s under the impression that it’ll be a more professional setting. What he did _not_ expect is a **dwarven rave**. Apparently, Bilbo did not prepare enough for this. They ate through his cooked dishes with such gusto and speed that he swears that he merely blinks, and it’s already gone! Soon enough, they’re emptying the rest of his larder like it’s an all you can eat buffet.

____

“Well, thanks so much for leaving me some!” he suspires. Gandalf merely twinkles at his despair as he enjoys another one of his cookies. Bastard.

____

Bilbo can only watch as another unfortunate cheese wheel finds its way into the dark void that is Bombur’s stomach. Another tribute sacrificed to the dwarven garbage disposal. Evidently, the hobbit is to sustain himself entirely on crumbs for their journey.

____

“Are they not a merry gathering!” Gandalf exclaims, seemingly chuffed at himself.

____

“Alright! Listen here, you!” Bilbo cries, leading that wizard out the dining room and into the hall. As tempting as it is to simply grab him by his ostentatiously long beard, he’s much too aware of the difference of their capabilities, or his own lack thereof. “You haven’t even _seen_ the bathroom! Let me give you a hint: it’s not merry—oh!”

____

A dish flies across his face.

____

____

__

> ____
> 
> ###### Your mother’s West Farthing pottery
> 
> ____
> 
> Age: 100+
> 
> ____
> 
> Value: Priceless
> 
> ____

_  
_  
_   
_

____

There are some things that money can’t buy, but for everything else there’s mass murder.

____

Luckily for them, however, another knock at the door (hopefully, the final one for the night) interrupts his homicidal contemplations and the rest of the company’s “merry” making.

____

____

“He’s here.”

____

____

* * *

____

____

____

“Allow me to introduce the leader of our company, Thorin Oakenshield, son of Thrain, son of Thror.”

____

“Who was son of what? Why stop there? Might as well bring out the whole family tree, while you’re at it,” Bilbo snarks; though now he takes a good look at this Thorin, his reaction can only boil down to: Oh no, he’s hot.

____

Thorin frowns, slightly perplexed (is this mere peasant sassing me?), at him as he steps into his domicile without so much as an ‘excuse me’ or even a greeting, quite unlike all the other dwarves. He circles around Bilbo speculatively, his striking blue eyes roaming his form up and down. Under any other circumstances, Bilbo might’ve been flattered or maybe nervous under such scrutiny from someone so handsome.

____

“What? No ‘at your service?’” Bilbo manages out, after a time. He may be out of the loop here, but he’s still the main character of this story (probably)!

____

The dwarf in question merely cocks an impressive eyebrow in response, as if to say, ‘No, I think not.’

____

Might as well have just spit in Bilbo’s face.

____

“So…” Thorin begins, his sonorous voice and commanding presence seeming to envelop the room, “This is the hobbit.”

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My goodness he has a rather nice voice. It’s like a warm, velvety chocolate commercial with a cello playing in the background. Seriously, who does the voice acting for him, because wow. Hm, maybe not the time to be fantasizing. Wait, was he saying something?

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“What’s your weapon of choice? Axe or sword?”

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Bilbo just stands there a bit dazed, only to blink out of it after a beat. “Uh, hm? P-Pardon?”

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With a scoff, the stunning dwarf throws a sidelong glance in Gandalf’s direction, with a look that says, ‘Really? This guy?’

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“Looks more like a grocer than a burglar.” He laughs. The whole company laughs. Even the dog next door laughs.

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[ -1 Reputation ]

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_Wait! I wasn’t ready…_ Bilbo panics. Suddenly, Thorin’s character stats pop-up, as if it’d been patiently waiting for the player to finish gawking at the dwarf. How polite.

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> ____
> 
> ###### Thorin Oakenshield
> 
> ____
> 
> Dwarf | Male | Age: 195 | Health: Good | Status: Tired | Relationship: Skeptical | Class: Warrior | Health 60/100 | Defense 50/100 | Strength 55/100 | Speed 40/100 | Sneak 10/100 | Charm 25/100 | Magic 00/100
> 
> ____

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_Everyone’s stats are so much better than mine. How am I going to do this?_ Bilbo sulks to himself, watching the others discuss their mission to the Lonely Mountain. The newcomer dwarf, Thorin, immediately takes command of the company. His authority comes so naturally, it’s unquestionable. Even when Thorin relays disappointing news, that no one will be coming to help them, he raises their spirits and rallies them to continue on this dangerous (suicidal?) quest to reclaim their homeland. He seems so much larger than life, for a dwarf. Bilbo suddenly feels so small.

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_Of course, he’s practically perfect too. Him and his stupid… cheekbones and majesticness and his superior stats. Damn him._

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This only adds to the frustration of the night; why is he even part of this adventure? What will his character even bring to the table? That is… other than his good food and deep pockets, which he delightfully discovered while on his shopping trip that he is by no means poor.

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But, for some reason, he’s supposedly the burglar? Bilbo looks in his reflection for the second time tonight.

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> ____
> 
> ###### Bilbo Baggins
> 
> ____
> 
> A wealthy bachelor from the respectable line of Baggins and Took. You are admired by your peers for your respectability and standing in society. Your mother was the daughter of the Thain, the enforcer of law and order in the Shire. After your parents, Bungo Baggins and Belladonna Took, died you inherited the land and its responsibilities: which includes collecting rent from its tenants and loaning money (with interest).
> 
> ____

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_

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He doubts that his character has ever stolen a single thing in his life. Why bother when it sounds like he’s practically rolling in it? He sounds more like a loan shark, really. While in real life, the only things he’s ever stolen were a few moments of people’s time (after some perfuse apologies and excuses). It’s pathetic, really. This line of thought continues as he holds the contract Thorin shoves in his hands.

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He unfolds it only for the contract to unravel down to the floor. Good Lord, this is worse than CVS receipts. Though he normally doesn’t bother reading the Terms and Agreements, he’s curious to see just how detailed and in-depth the game designers got, even with this. He won’t deny that he’s also concerned of how much this sheet of parchment will effect his story. He quickly scans through the contract, gliding down the page, choosing to focus on key-points.

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“There’s a _dragon_?”

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“Think furnace,” Bofur gets up, and spreads his arms out, “With wings!”

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“Yes, thank you for supplying that helpful analogy. It’s all becoming clear now.”

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Bofur beams at him.

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“Gandalf, if you please?” with that, Bilbo steps into a separate sitting room, away from the others. Gandalf follows after him with a face that says, ‘I knew this was going to be a problem.’

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Why yes, Gandalf, most people would consider heading straight for a dragon to be a very big problem. That’s not what his biggest issue is here, though. Bilbo stops in front of the fireplace and turns to look at him.

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> ____
> 
> ###### Gandalf the Gray
> 
> ____
> 
> Maiar | Male | Age: 2,019 | Health: Great | Status: Curious | Relationship: Neutral | Class: Wizard | Health 100/100 | Defense 60/100 | Strength 30/100 | Speed 40/100 | Sneak 35/100 | Charm 55/100 | Magic* 100/100
> 
> ____
> 
> *Restrained
> 
> ____

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_What the hell? He’s overpowered! What does he need me for?_ Which is exactly the question he poses to the wizard:

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“Gandalf, what do you need a hobbit around for? What do you plan to do?” his hands fly out in frustration, “Throw me down the dragon’s mouth and hope that it chokes on me?”

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“You are small, light-footed, and stealthy.”

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“Then put on some socks and crouch! Then you too can be small, light-footed, and stealthy! Honestly, I don’t know what you expect me to do.“ If the situation weren’t so ill-advised, then he probably would’ve found it hilarious. Y’know, if it didn’t mean him going in alone to face a dragon, with his pathetic stats.

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“Do you mean to tell me that it is not the dragon that is making you hesitant, but because you do not believe that you are up to the task?”

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“Bingo!” Bilbo cries, to which Gandalf just looks at him confused, “Uh, yes! That is exactly it.”

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“The dragon is used to the smells of dwarves and humans…”

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“You’re not even human!” Bilbo points out.

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“...but it is unfamiliar with hobbits. You would be a whole new element to him. It _has_ to be you, and _they need your help_.”

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“My thoughts and prayers to them, sending positive energy their way.”

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“You are also clever. I fear that if you do not go on this quest, they will not make it out alive. I may not always have the choice to be with them. I do have other duties to attend to.”

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“So you’re recruiting me, not only to steal a horde of treasure from a dragon SOMEHOW with these tiny hands,” cue furious jazz hands, “but also to babysit thirteen dwarves. What am I? Snow White?”

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Gandalf stops, stumped again, “Who?”

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“You are really selling this hard, y’know,” Bilbo mutters under his breath, already removing himself from the conversation to pout away from him, “Maybe when you’re not out hijacking midgets into places they have no right to be, you should go into business selling life insurance. You’d make a killing.”

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“So you wish to while away here, among your books and precious dishes? Hm?” Gandalf says, urging his small friend to listen, “What happened to that young hobbit that wished for more in life? When did dishes come to mean so much to you?”

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“Do you know how expensive those are?” he frantically throws up his hands again, “I don’t even know!”

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**_“If you do not know, then why are you so upset?!”_ **

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**_“Because I’m trying to get into the dragon’s mindset, Gandalf! This is my horde! If I’m going to face a bloody dragon, then I need to understand its motivations!”_ **

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The grey clad wizard steps back, feeling a bit disoriented, not unlike the sensation of missing a step going downstairs. Perhaps he should leave and come back, there seems to be parts of the conversation that he missed.

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“Bloody hell, you know I’m going to go. You’ve known this whole time.”

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Gandalf smiles triumphantly in response.

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“Oh, don’t give me that. Enough of those infernal twinkling eyes. You have what you want, I’m going. From what I’d overhead (earlier), this Thorin would be lost without me,” Bilbo comforts himself, knowing that even if he can’t do much fighting, he at least he has access to the game’s map, “Just don’t expect me to be happy about it.”

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Besides, it’s not like he had anything better to do.

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Gandalf looks down fondly at him. “I wouldn’t dream of it, dear Bilbo”

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* * *

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“So, you’ve finally found your courage and decided to join us instead of turning back? You seemed to be having second thoughts,” Thorin disparages when Bilbo finally rejoins them after a time.

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Bilbo sticks his chin up in defiance, “Excuse me, but while I was told that I would be going on an adventure, no one told me that I would have to steal treasure from a _dragon_ , which happens to be taking residence above said treasure, until you showed up.”

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“Is that so?” Thorin glares at Gandalf, who’s suddenly very busy looking anywhere else, “My apologies, it seems that we were both misled into believing that you were given all pertinent information.”

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“Oh, uh… Well…” Bilbo starts. Honestly it’s a bit astonishing that this seemingly prideful creature is willing to apologize this quickly. Though he’s definitely not surprised about Gandalf being a manipulative bastard. He’s only spent a small amount of time with him, but he can already tell that he’s a character that’s playing a very large game of chess, and they are all simply the pieces. Bilbo clears his throat, a nervous tic he’d developed since he was a child, to congruently clear his thoughts and refocus, “No problem, I’m just glad to have it all cleared up. Anywho, about this contract…”

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“There is no way I’m signing this,” he said with a surprising sense of finality, while holding it out to them. Balin, who has been languishing with Thorin in the hall, gingerly takes the contract, looking a bit miffed.

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“I see, so you refuse to help us.”

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The hobbit shakes his head at that. “Oh no, I want to help you, but I will not be doing it under those terms.”

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“And what, pray tell, would you have us amend in order for us to come to an agreement?” Thorin groused, his temper starting to rear its ugly head back for a second wave of disagreeable turnabouts for the day.

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_Good Lord, is this dwarf always one minutia away from blowing a gasket, or what?_ Bilbo coughs into his fist to disguise his own disapproval, and he takes the contract back from Balin to go over it. “If you gentlema—dwarves… Gentledwarves,” he begins, remembering where he is and who he’s speaking to, “would please look here…”

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> ____
> 
> Burglar acknowledges and agrees that each item of the Company’s valuables, goods, money or merchandise which he recovers from the Lonely Mountain [the ‘Recovered Goods’] during the term of his engagement with the Company, shall remain the Property of the Company at all times, and in all respects, without limitation. Furthermore, the company shall retain any and all Recovered Goods until such a time as a full and final reckoning can be made, from which the Total Profits can then be established. Then, and only then, will the Burglar’s fourteenth share be calculated and decided.
> 
> ____

“So basically, after the rest of the company takes their part of the treasure, ‘then, and only then’ will I begin to possibly get the bare scraps, which technically don’t even have to be part of said treasure.” When Thorin began to look indignant, Bilbo swiftly cut him off, “I’m not done! There’s another clause, right here…”

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> Disputes arising between the Contract Parties shall be heard and judged by an arbitrator of the Company’s choosing…

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“That fundamentally means that while you could have a representative of your choosing, I have to settle for whatever representative you may choose for me? In what way is that supposed to comport unbiased arbitration?” Again, Thorin starts to counter, only to be quieted by another round of objections—which simply adds fuel to Bilbo’s fire, if the constant finger stabbing at the contract was anything to go by. “I’m still not done! We haven’t even gotten to the biggest oversight here.”

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> __
> 
> ____
> 
> __
> 
> …and all pleas shall be pleaded, shrewed [sic], defended, answered, debated and judged in the Dwarvish Tongue…
> 
> __

_  
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“Seeing as I am obviously a hobbit and not a dwarf,” he empathized, waving his arm down the length of him to further demonstrate, “I don’t know your language. How is it fair to have me judged in language that I’m unfamiliar with?”

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“…It is not,” Balin acquiesces, retaking the (now folded up) contract from Bilbo’s offered hand.

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“Precisely my point.”

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A quarter of a minute passes between them before Thorin finally speaks up, “May I speak now?”

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“Oh! Uh, yes! You may,” Bilbo spouts, suddenly feeling a little embarrassed by his uncharacteristic (yet entirely warranted) tantrum.

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“I will acknowledge that there are a few clauses that could be amended to better suit your circumstances,” Thorin drawls, as if he had to pull this admission from the recesses of his being ( _Prideful prick._ ), “Here lies our problem: These clauses will take time to redraft, and we are in need of your services now. We begin our quest tomorrow morning, and it cannot be delayed.”

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Bilbo nods along in understanding, “I see where you’re coming from. How about this…”

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[ Offer hand ]

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“We shake on it?”

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Thorin glares at the offending hand like its given him an insult. “And how are we to trust your word that you will play your role, or that you will not desert us before the time comes?”

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“You seem to be the honorable sort, Mr. Oakenshield. I am willing to put my life in your hands, as long as we can both agree to uphold the spirit of what this contract is supposed to entail to the best of our ability, and should there come a time that I fail to do so, then you may collect on my lands’ rent to cover the costs and damages. Though I warn you now, I intend to see this through.”

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Balin cuts in with a surprised gasp, “You own lands? You are a lord?”

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He can only blink in a short-circuited kind of confusion to the accusation. Bilbo honestly didn’t think of it like that. “Ah, uh… Yes, I’m. I’m a landlord.”

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Unsure of how else to react to this new piece of information, Thorin simply chooses to set it aside to contemplate at a later date. This hobbit is frustrating, challenging, and yet what he says seems fair. Perhaps his first impressions of him were wrong? Thorin looks at him speculatively again, before finally taking his hand. “Very well. Until we can make the necessary changes to the contract, this will do.”

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[ +1 Reputation ]

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“Ahem, well now that’s over with,” Bilbo turns his attention back to the rest of the company sitting in the dining room, “Would everyone like some blankets and pillows? I’m assuming you’re all spending the night here.”

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The company chimes positively in unison.

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“I’ll get everything laid out then,” and with that, he leaves the room. He didn’t actually care about the money (it’s not like he can use it), but it’s still insulting to have a contract drawn up basically separating him from the rest of the company and how he’s treated. He needed to lay down the law and let them know that he to be seen as part of them. He won’t be taken advantage of, thank you very much.

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While Bilbo organizes some makeshift beds on the floor for them, he overhears his guests singing.

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_”Far over the misty mountains cold_

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_To dungeons deep and caverns old_

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_We must away ere break of day_

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_To seek the pale enchanted gold._

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_The dwarves of yore made mighty spells,_

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_While hammers fell like ringing bells_

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_While hammers fell like ringing bells In places deep, where dark things sleep,_

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_In hollow halls beneath the fells.”_

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Their host props against the doorframe, apart from them and yet entranced. The smoke from their pipes swirl in the air like translucent ribbons, tantalizing him to come closer. Perhaps it’s a good thing, then, that he doesn’t have fire alarms. He chuckles to himself, but he does it softly to avoiding making himself known. He’d hate to ruin this moment.

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_”The mountain smoked beneath the moon;_

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_The dwarves they heard the tramp of doom._

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_They fled their hall to dying fall_

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_Beneath his feet, beneath the moon._

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_Far over the misty mountains grim_

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_To dungeons deep and caverns dim_

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_We must away, ere break of day,_

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_To win our harps and gold from him!”_

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At the end of it, Bilbo appears at Thorin’s side with a tray of bottled spirits and a couple of glasses. The dwarf looks around to see the others are already partaking in libations as well. The hobbit shyly smiles and asks, “Would you care for a bit of a nightcap? It’s just some whiskey that I’d bought earlier today at the market to share with you all. I haven’t tried it myself, but I’m assured that it’s quite good. If it’s not to your taste, however, I have a few other selections you can choose from.”

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Thorin, slightly endeared though also confused by the change in attitude, accepts his offer with thanks. Bilbo pushes two armchairs closer to the fireplace and motions for him to sit with him. Tentatively, Thorin takes a seat opposite of him and takes a sip of his glass, enjoying the pleasant burn. He looks up at his host with less judgement this time, as if seeing him in a whole new light. He looks kindly, soft, and unassuming for such a spitfire creature, with undulating golden curls and dark blue eyes. Bilbo looks back at him, a gentle smile on his lips.

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“I’m sorry about my behavior towards you before, I was unaware of how… lively our first meeting was going to be. Still, it’s no excuse. I do feel a bit foolish now, after all the heat from our argument has dissipated. I hope we can start over.”

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This humbles Thorin. A faint slash of shame went through him for his disparaging comments of the hobbit’s character. If he is to be king, he must be better than his grandfather before him, who had snubbed his allies, because he was too blinded by his own greed and pride. “No, no. I should have thanked you for your hospitality to myself and my kin. Most others would not have been so gracious to willingly join in a cause that they have nothing to do with. Not my own cousin.”

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“Well, it’s for a good cause. Everyone deserves a home.”

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Thorin looks out into the fire, feeling cautiously optimistic, with a ghost of a smile on his lips while he nursed his glass of whiskey. It almost makes him look friendly. What do you know? Give him a drop of liquor, and everything is right as rain? Bilbo hums to himself, basking in the relaxing ambiance of a warm hearth, good food, and amiable company. He’d missed this.

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“Hmm hmm wishing, wishing further…”

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Almost at once, Bofur springs up with excitement, “I didn’t know you could sing,” he sits back down and waves one hand up in encouragement. “Give us a song then!”

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“Oh, oh no, I’m not that good.”

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“Come now, Mr. Boggins!” Kili chimes, supportively, “You are among friends, are you not?”

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Blast his pleading eyes. Bilbo sighs, “Very well.”

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Everyone sits back, even Thorin, watching Bilbo expectantly. He clears his throat again. Oh bother. He wishes that at least Thorin wasn’t here to watch this. Regardless, he sings to them a song that reminds him of what this quest possibly means to them. The idea of it bloomed in his heart during their own song, delicate, small, and vulnerable. A quiet kind of hope, compared to their song of lost gold. He knew that they had lost more than that, because he heard it in their voice.

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_“With every small disaster, I’ll let the waters still_

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_Take me away to some place real_

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_’Cause they say home is where your heart is set in stone_

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_Where you go when you’re alone, Is where you go to rest your bones_

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_It’s not just where you lay your head, It’s not just where you make your bed_

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_As long as we’re together, does it matter where we go?_

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_Home… Home…”_

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Silence stretches over the company when he’s done. Feeling a bit self-conscious, Bilbo gets up to excuse himself and bid them a goodnight.

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Gandalf sits back, feeling very satisfied with himself as he watches the Bilbo leave the room. Despite his peculiarities, he knows now that he had made the right choice in bringing along Bilbo Baggins. He is exactly what they need. This small, unassuming hobbit had a heart much larger than he. It brings him courage, even in the face of surmounting obstacles in front of him.

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And that is enough.

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> ______ __
> 
> ###### _Dinner | Time limit 09:07:30 |_
> 
>  __
> 
> ____
> 
> __
> 
> You have one wizard and thirteen famished dwarves arriving for dinner to discuss your adventure. Be sure to make a good first impression and satisfy their stomachs. Mini game at your kitchen can be done to prepare more fulfilling dishes. Ingredients can be bought in the marketplace.
> 
>  __
> 
> ____
> 
> __
> 
> Completed | Grade: A
> 
>  __
> 
> ____
> 
> __
> 
> Reward: +5 Reputation
> 
>  __
> 
> ____
> 
> __

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* * *

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You have unchecked notifications from the Beta-testers forum: Social Distancing Experts.

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Radagast: brrrr brrrring

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Azog: Hello?

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Radagast: wazuuuup?

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Azog: wazuuuuup

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Radaghast: aaaaaaap

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Azog: aaaaaaap

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Bilbo: Alright, that’s enough.

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Tauriel: Boys.

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Bard: Why am I here?

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**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There’s a number of pop culture references in this chapter. Let’s see if you can spot them all! Also, you can find a lawyer’s breakdown of contract in The Hobbit [here](https://www.wired.com/2013/01/hobbit-contract-legal-analysis/), which I used as reference.  
> The song that Bilbo sings to them is [here](https://youtu.be/6rpnaE77fgU), which is a lovely song called Home by Gabrielle Aplin
> 
> Let me know what you think in the comments, and as always, thank you for reading!


	5. The Road Goes Ever On

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Everyone sets out on the adventure. Bilbo gets to know the other members of the company. The other members notice peculiarities about their burglar. Bilbo deals with the possibility that this maybe more than just a game.

> **Pack**
> 
> | Time limit 00:20:30 |
> 
> Prepare for the long quest to Erebor. Pack up everything from the list on your desk. Additional items are allowed, but be careful for it eats up stamina.
> 
> Completed | Grade: A-
> 
> Reward: +2 Health
> 
> Note: You forgot your handkerchief.

Blast it.

[ Catch ]

Bilbo barely managed to catch what looked like a dirt rag (to his disgust) before it landed on his face. Bofur beamed at him from ahead. “That should do in a pinch!”

‘Could kill me in a pinch, too. I can already see my character’s imminent demise from here: death by mysterious illness,’ he grumbled to himself. Ori caught sight of his face and laughed. Regardless, Bilbo tucked it into his pocket anyway. Throwing it out in plain view would just be rude.

The company were in relatively high spirits, especially with each of them cheerfully munching on the breakfast sandwiches that Bilbo had prepared for everyone to eat on the go. Bofur and Ori had been kind enough to help him put it all together, earlier that morning. It gave him a chance to get to know more about their people and their customs, which he figured, would be a good idea to educate himself on. Wouldn’t want to mistakenly challenge one of them to a duel to the death, just because he accidentally dropped a knife in front of them that apparently meant a grave insult.

Unfortunately, while they were perfectly congenial, Bofur and Ori were mostly tight lipped about their culture. They at least reassured him that dropping any cutlery in their presence would not result in a violent death.

‘Rather suspicious of strangers, this lot,’ Bilbo pondered to himself. Considering his (lack of) abilities, he planned to quickly ingratiate himself to the company, which might be more difficult than he’d like. Other than maybe a small handful of them, they seemed fairly leery of him. If this weren’t a beta, Bilbo would’ve looked up a guide to each other their good graces. Gifts were normally a good way to go, but in one fell swoop, a bad gift could turn “leery” into “hateful.” He really didn’t have the stats to make up for that lack of help he’d get from his company if that were to happen. Conversation and acts of service were probably the safest route.

Bilbo contemplates his travel mates from the back of the line. Gloin, Dwalin, Balin, and Thorin seemed to be firmly rooted in the warrior class—with Thorin being the apparent leader. Possibly a berserker? He had the temperament for it. With the amount of knives and daggers that Fili hid on his person, Bilbo would hazard at him being a rogue. Kili, being a bowman (bowdwarf?), would also make him a rogue. That left the others in the company: Bofur and Bifur the toymakers, Bombur the cook, Ori the scribe, Dori the miner, Nori the thief, and Oin the company doctor. Nori could likely be counted as a rogue, with Oin as the healer, but the others were a bit of a conundrum. Then there was Bilbo, the burglar who had never stolen a thing in his life.

How were they supposed to take on a dragon, with such an unbalanced party and random collection of people? Leeroy Jenkins it and hope for the best?

“Strange, that one,” Dwalin said lowly to Thorin, as he looked behind them at their token hobbit. “Ye know, I caught him munching on a handful of thistle, as we left? Muttering to himself about ‘plus one health’, or some such nonsense, before grabbing more to save for later, like it were a nice afternoon snack! Are all hobbits this peculiar?”

Gandalf butted in, as he regularly would with all matters of Middle Earth, to defend his choice of comrade. “Master Oin was quite impressed with that. Yes, to have herbal knowledge would be very beneficial for such a dangerous quest.”

Bilbo Baggins. He’s indeed a very strange creature. Thorin doesn’t have much experience with hobbits, outside of trade, but he’s fairly sure that even for a hobbit, he is very _very_ strange.

When night finally fell on their first day of travel, the company broke out their bedrolls and other necessities. Bilbo, to Thorin’s surprise, busied himself with anything at camp that he could possibly help with. The firewood was running low? The hobbit was already rushing back with more in tow. Weapons needed sharpening? Bilbo was already sitting cross legged with them, wet stone in hand. Ponies needed feeding? Bales of hay were already left in front of them. His knowledge of the local plant life also turned out to be quite useful, at least when it came to seasoning the stew. He should probably be grateful that the halfling didn’t just throw in a handful of thistle in the pot and call it a day. Thorin sat comfortably in front of the fire, with a belly full of hearty stew and a few less chores to get done, thankful for small mercies…

One of which, would not be quiet. “Excuse me, uhm… Y-your majesty? Or is it your highness? Grace? Uh…”

“Seeing as I am a king without a kingdom, simply address me as you would the others in my company.”

“Right, err, Mr. Oakenshield. Then, well…”

Just get right to it, already. “What do you need, Master Baggins?”

“It’s uh… a nice night for an evening, isn’t it!” Bilbo immediately wanted to slap himself.

> **Thorin Oakenshield**
> 
> Status change: annoyed

“… Is there a point to this, burglar?”

“Right, not big on small talk then. I’ll just be…” With that, Bilbo made his (very awkward) escape. Just focus on acts of service then. Right.

A series of smoke rings flew overhead, followed by a chuckle. Thorin turned to glare at Gandalf, who he’s fairly sure had purposely slipped in and been quiet the entire exchange to spy on them. “You could be a bit kinder to the poor fellow. He is trying.”

“I’ve been nothing but ki—“ Gandalf glowered at him from behind his pipe, “Fine. I’ve been civil. Is that not enough? I still do not see the point of bringing this halfling along.”

He’ll last a week, maybe two tops. Then he’ll go back to his homely hole in the ground, when he realizes that he’s in over his head. At least there, Master Baggins would be safe, and Thorin won’t have another death hanging over his head.

“He’s capable of more than you know…” Gandalf said softly, with his usual infernal twinkle in his eyes (that usually meant he was keeping something from him _again_ ), “… perhaps even more than he himself knows.”

Blasted wizards in their plots. They would be the death of him.

* * *

It rained. A _lot_.

“Pardon me, Master Gandalf,” Dori had begun politely, as you please, still thought the world of him, “Is there anything you can do anything about this deluge?”

Said wizard frowned just frowned. It wasn’t the first time since they began their trip that one of the dwarves asked him to do something fantastical: fr“It is raining, Master Dwarf, and it will continue to rain until the rain is done!”

Incredulous, Bilbo supplied, hopeful that their most powerful party member had a bit more up his sleeve, “What? No shield spells or elemental magic with that fancy staff of yours?”

He responded with a scoff. “If you wish to change the weather of the world, you should find yourself another wizard!”

At that, Bilbo gave him a withering look. “So there are other wizards. Are the other wizards powerful or are they… like you?”

Gandalf shot him with an affronted look. Before he could respond, a codex window popped right in Bilbo’s face, surprising him right off his pony and into the mud face-first.

“Bilbo!”

“Master Baggins! What are you doing!”

> **The Wizards**
> 
> Initially known as the **Istari** , are five Maiar spirits sent to Middle Earth while embodied as old Men to aid the Free Peoplesagainst the threat of Sauron. Each of the Istari are associated with a color, and are ranked within the Order: the first is **Saruman the White** , the second is **Gandalf the Grey** , the third **Radagast the Brown** , and the remaining Istari were **Pallando and Alatar the Blue**. _Read more_ _…_

Mud dripped down his face with a plop. Plop. Plop.

Plop. Pal.

Pallando… the Blue.

_"Pallando of the Blue Wizards, at your service."_

It was Pal.

_Every now and then, Bilbo would catch Pallando staring up at the sky with such a sad expression it tore at his heart. Then he'd admit to his young friend, with misty blue eyes, "I miss my home."_

_"Perhaps it is for the best. I have failed you, and for that I am deeply sorry. You will never truly know how much, but one day, I promise you this, my lad, I will bring to you the world you so dearly wish to see. You deserve no less..."_

_"... And I cannot possibly bear to fail you again."_

‘No… There’s no way…’

> **New Message**
> 
> [ Radagast: Hey! Got a notification that you’re getting close by! Wanna meet up later? ]

On the other side of the screen, Bilbo had stopped breathing. He remembered the white walls of the hospital and the strong scent of disinfectant. The priest, with his beguiling smile. His desperate, clueless parents. The harassment and jeering from the locals. The smell of blood when he hit the ground from the roof of his school.

No, no no…

His trembling fingers plucked at the rubber band around his wrist, choosing to focus on that (the now) instead of those intrusive memories. He could hear the air conditioner hum through his small apartment. His small cat’s faint snores in his lap. The dim blue light of the screen before him and the light thrum of the console. Everything modern, ordinary, and not at all magical. Just breathe. In and out. Then, after a moment, he typed in…

> [ Bilbo: Yeah… Definitely. ]

Though he was tempted to click on the ‘read more’ option, he chose to look through the codex files later. When his head wasn’t spinning. And he didn’t feel like he was going crazy. Again.

The small package, that he had taken back from his cousin, sat forgotten on the dining room table.

_From Your Pal,_

_Happy Birthday_

Suddenly, the message didn’t seem so innocuous.

* * *

They stopped again for the day, at what looked like a depilated house. Everyone prepared for camp, while Gandalf and Thorin argue between themselves _again_. It seemed to be a running theme that generally boiled down to: Ew, Gandalf, no one wants to sleepover at your elf friend’s house. Gross. They’re totes uncool.

Bilbo rolled his eyes at them, while Balin just smiled and shrugged. Though he had started to become friendlier with some of the company (such as Fili and Kili), most of them were still unsure of him. Fair enough. Considering what they’d gone through, he probably would be more cautious of trusting others too. He’d known that they’d lost their home, but he had only heard the extent of it the other night—when Balin told Thorin’s backstory, where he earned the name “Oakenshield.”

_“…And I thought to myself then: There is one, who I could follow. There is one, who I could call king.”_

_Everyone stood in silent awe around Thorin. Everyone except him. Bilbo sat on his bedroll, contemplative._

_Azog the Defiler. He’s one of the other beta testers. Meaning he’s not dead, like they said he was._

_This just keeps getting better and better._

_Kili, and by extension Fili, had a hard time falling asleep, afterwards. Their uncle wasn’t really the type to talk openly about what had happened to him in the past. He’d carp all day long about elves, but he’d be silent about himself. After listening to his story, the brevity of the situation had finally hit them._

_“You alright there?” Bilbo asked, sympathetically. He had also just been laying in his bedroom, quietly enjoying the ambiance of camp, the crackle of the campfire, and the stars in the night sky. It was so much brighter here. This was the closest he’d come to camping since he was a child. Even then, it was just in their backyard, with the fire pit right there, s’mores in hand._

_Kili looked at him with wide eyes, that reminded him of his younger (cuter) cousins, with a hint of surprise and sheepishness. He fidgeted a bit under Bilbo’s stare, unexpectedly timid at being caught. Fili chuckled and gave him a playful punch to the shoulder, seemingly to nudge him forward, which his brother swatted away. Amazing how they seemed to be on the same wavelength, despite Kili not having said a word about what he wanted yet. Somehow, Fili just knew. “Do you think you could… sing us another song?”_

_“Sorry, whut?”_

_“You were so good at it last time! I just thought… it’d be nice.”_

_Well… It wasn’t like the other beta-testers are there to hear him. Honestly, sometimes he’d forget that this was all just a game, especially when they’d look at him like that. Still, he couldn’t help but feel the small ball of nervousness that formed in his chest. “Oh sure, uhm…”_

_He’d ask for any song requests, but he honestly doubts that he’d know any from this world. Something calming and sweet, should do. He says, more to himself, “How about a little Taylor Swift, then…”_

_“Who’s that?”_

_“Uh, err, she’s uh… A really popular singer back in the Shire. Mhm. She’d uh, sing at the local tavern, sometimes… Yeah. Her songs are pretty catchy. Hopefully, I can do them justice.”_

_“I believe in you, Mr. Boggins!” the young dwarf cheered appreciatively, giving him a toothy smile._

_“Right, that’s not really my na—You know what? Doesn’t matter. I’ll just, ahem…”_

_He tried his best to ignore the other pair of eyes that watched him from across the camp, like little blue fiery balls in the night. This is_ _ridiculous, he shouldn't feel so nervous about singing to them. This was just a game._

_This is just a game._

Suddenly, Gandalf whizzed past him in a huff, which broke Bilbo out of his haze. He was determined to get away from stubborn dwarves (namely Thorin). While he wasn’t entirely comfortable with the idea of their one magic user leaving, he couldn’t really blame him for wanting some space. He had a feeling that the wizard was up to something underhanded (again) to weasel by Thorin’s stubbornness and get what he wanted. Cunning, as ever, but that would be a chess master for you.

“Bring back some supplies, would you? We’re getting low on salt and pepper,” Bilbo suggested, as he ambled alongside Gandalf, just managing to catch up to his longer strides. “A jar of honey would also be quite nice, too, I think.”

“I’m not your errand boy, Master Baggins,” Gandalf snaps back.

“I’ll make you some mulled wine, if you do…” he said with a [ wink ]. At that, Gandalf stopped in his tracks to look down at his friend, considering for a moment. He knew that would cause him to pause, because he remembered his disappointment at the lack of wine at the Dwarven rave he’d thrown at his home. Luckily for him, Bilbo had brought a few small bottles of alcohol with him, just incase. You never know when you might need a little alcohol to liven up a dinner, bribe your friends and family, or knock out a few guards. He’s nothing if not prepared.

Gandalf finally grumbled a small, “Fine,” then stopped halfway. “Look after them while I’m gone, would you?”

“Alright, Dumbledore”

”What is a ‘dumbbell door?’”

” _Dumbledore_ is another, not unlike yourself, who also shares a tendency to place world shaking responsibilities on the shoulders of little people. You’d get along. You have so much in common,” Bilbo said, imagining Dumbledore putting a fire extinguisher in 11 year old Harry’s hand to douse Hogwarts with, which was completely engulfed in flames. That pretty much summed up the whole series.

The wizard just gave him a look that said, 'You know what? I'm not even going to touch that,' and left. He was starting to give him that look fairly often.

With the grey wizard out of sight, Bilbo (being the genre savvy gamer he is) surmised that without their number one most powerful member, something bad was definitely going to happen. He’s right, of course. He’s just not sure whether he should be happy about that or not.

* * *

While the others settled comfortably in the camp for the night, Bilbo chose to do a perimeter check. That was when he noticed a light in the distance.

‘Of course, this happens while Gandalf is gone,’ he thought as he crouched cautiously closer to the light. A yellow [ Caution ] window popped up, as he drew closer, which let him know that there was definitely something amiss. There, in the small clearing among the trees and stone, he found three large, ugly, gigantic beings. They were preparing a pleasant mutton dinner, with their horses captured right behind them. ‘Those bastards have Myrtle, Daisy, and Bungo!’

> **Tree Hill Trolls**
> 
> Trolls are a very large and monstrous, and for the most part unintelligent, humanoid race. Tree hill trolls normally dwell in the Ettenmoors. These beings enjoy eating anything they can get their hands on. They’re very strong, but can be turned into stone in sunlight.

Shit.

Carefully as possibly, the small hobbit did a complete U-turn right out of Dodge. Damn it. He hated being right, sometimes.

He quietly rushed back towards the direction of camp. Where or where were his comrades now? Where art thou? He had to get to the others, they’d know what to do. Literally, anyone but him should be the one the handle this.

In his mad dash towards the company, a deck of makeshift cards abruptly got kicked across the forest. High pitched wailing ensued.

“AW! Mr. Boggins! Look what you did! I had a good one too!”

“Kili! Fili! And… Ori? Wha..?” Bilbo looked down at the mess of cards bellow him. “Are you kidding me? You lost the horses, because you were all playing Apples to Apples?”

He knew it was a bad idea to teach them that game.

They all jumped up at the mention of missing horses, finally joining him on the anxiety mantra of Oh Shit. Panic fell on them like a hacksaw, as they counted and recounted in a frenzy, coming up short each time. “Oh no, no no… Uncle will have our hides!”

“What happened to them!?”

“They’re just a stone throw away from here, over there!” Bilbo supplied, hopping with nervous energy back to the direction he fled from. “Some trolls have them. Three tree hill trolls! We have to do something!”

“Yes, yes. Of course! Though..” Fili trailed off, “Maybe let’s not have uncle know about it just yet.”

“Wha… P-pardon? What?”

Kili nodded in agreement, desperate not to get into more trouble. “I think we can handle this on our own, without raising the alarm. Don’t you?”

Bilbo turned to Ori for help, but then he remembered that Ori excitedly talked big about taking on a _dragon_ when they were back at his place. So nix that. He might actually be wetting himself at this chance. A notification window popped up in front him, leaving him with no room for finagling.

> **Save the Ponies**
> 
> | Time limit 00:20:00 |
> 
> Strategize with your team and release the ponies from the hands of the trolls before they’re eaten for supper.

Oh, bloody hell… We’re actually going to do this.

“Welp, that’s it. I’m taking a quick break.”

The dwarves leapt at the hobbit in alarm at the thought of him leaving. They grabbed him by the shoulders to plead for him to stay, though the hobbit didn’t seem to have moved a muscle. “You can’t just leave us! You have to help!”

Bilbo stood stock-still, unblinking. They watched him in awkward silence.

“… Mr. Boggins?”

“Bilbo?”

“Hello?”

…

Back in modern times, a toilet flushed.

...

...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry that this chapter took longer to post up than I said. Life got busier than I thought it would, after graduation. If you got an email notification saying that there was an update, last night, and then came here to find none… that's because I posted up this chapter earlier, then took it back down after 5 minutes to work on it some more. Anyway, thank you for reading!


	6. Roast Mutton

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Save the Ponies  
> | Time limit 00:20:00 |  
> Strategize with your team and release the ponies from the hands of the trolls before they’re eaten for supper.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I added links to some of the pop culture references in this chapter, incase you’re not familiar with them. If the reference is underlined, then it’s a link that you can check out.

[ Mission Start ]

Bilbo’s eyes flutter and his face promptly animated again, like a corrected lag in the matrix. “I’m back! Right, so where were we again?”

“Wha—? Where’d you… go?”

> **Save the Ponies**
> 
> | Time remaining 00:19:56 |

“No time! Let’s get those ponies out of there!” the small hobbit exclaimed, before he disappeared further into the forest.

Just a few minutes ago, before he inexplicably froze like a statue, Bilbo was reluctant to commit to this rescue mission on their own. Now he was charging back towards three giant trolls, no questions asked. The dwarves were starting to get whiplash from keeping up with this halfling. Kili, Fili, and Ori hurried after him in bewilderment. Regardless of how they felt about his sanity, they still had ponies to save. Being a little crazy might actually be an advantage, in this regard.

[ Caution ] flashed behind the bushes they were heading towards, again. Behind the prompt, stood his mission objective, and—most likely—his first battle.

‘Ok, so these things are dumb and they turn to stone in the sunlight. So… How should we go about this?’

“Just sneak quietly over there, and release them. You’re our burglar, you can do it!” Kili supplied.

“What? Have you been taking notes from Gandalf’s game book or something? You can’t slap on ‘just send the hobbit’ to fix every little problem, like a piece of duct tape over a large crack in a tank spilling out. This isn’t a [Flex Tape®](https://youtu.be/0xzN6FM5x_E) commercial!”

“A… what?”

“Forget it. I’ll take care of the planning.”

Dawn was in an hour, so waiting until dawn would take too long. Unless the time limit was dynamic, in which case… he could stall them by letting the trolls capture him for a short time, giving the others time to get the ponies loose. He looked over their environment and noticed the large bolder in the way of where the sun would rise. It’s be too must of a risk. That could be a last ditch resort, at most. They couldn’t take them all on at the same time, which means they’d have to divide and conquer. He considered their surroundings and the party’s inventory...

“I’ve got it,” Bilbo said, beaming with cautious optimism, “Kili, get some rope from Nori’s pack. It’s on his saddle, back with the remaining ponies. Fili, loan me one of your daggers. I know you have plenty to spare,” he whispered, having remembered the heap of weaponry the dwarf had dropped on his person back at his home. “I’m going to create a distraction.”

“What do I do?” Ori asked, anxious to be part of it.

“You’re to get your slingshot ready. We’re going to pull a Star Wars and Disney maneuver.”

They were so excited to finally see some action, that they didn’t even bother to ask what in Arda that was.

* * *

After that terrible instance with Pal and his jump off the roof of his school, his parents had him try several activities as a distraction (as well as a form of therapy). One of which was singing. Out of all the different clubs and classes they had beguiled him to try, his voice lessons were probably his favorite. Learning songs and singing to himself had become a comforting past-time, which his parents also had come to appreciate.

For the purpose of his voice lessons, Bilbo very much doubted that this was also what his parents had in mind.

“[LU’AU](https://youtu.be/Etkws_5mexg)!!”

The three turned in surprise at the intrusion. One held the ladle up defensively, only to be treated to the sight of a lone hobbit, peacocking before them.

“If you're hungry for a hunk of fat and juicy meat,

Eat the hobbit here because I am quite a tasty treat,

Come on down and dine,

I’m sure to taste divine,

All you have to do is get in line!”

Silence and disbelief fell on them, followed with the jaw drop of all three of the dwarves.

“Aaaare you hungry!’” Bilbo emphasized, while he moved his hips and arms in a strangely mesmerizing fashion (AN: he’s flossing) to an imagined beat.

Finally broken out of his shock, one of the trolls moved towards him while Bilbo continued the most bizarre and ballsy... he wasn’t even sure what to call it, but Ori was pretty sure that this needed to go down in recorded history (which he’d be sure to jot down after this).

“Fooor this bunny!”

“Get him!” They scrambled excitedly towards him, one coming dangerously close...

“Heeeere’s the DWARFS!”

“Wut?”

A long rope tied to the base of a tree, wrapped around another tree on the other end (and pulled by the Durin brothers) stretched up to meet the first troll’s feet. Bilbo jumped out of the way just in time to dodge as the first troll fell victim to their trap, and he fell with a loud tremor.

“And your reward is a SWORD!” Bilbo finished his song. That prompted Fili to quickly finish off the fallen troll, which was sprawled onto the forest floor within easy access of him. His throat was cut with the last thing he heard being a stout hobbit asking to be eaten, so I guess you could say he died happy?

“You _monsters_!” One of two remaining trolls erupted with a roar, which was rather rich coming from a troll. He came after them with a vengeance now, his hunger forgotten. Ori hit the other troll in the head with his slingshot, turning 2nd troll away from the others. During the song, Ori had taken the opportunity to cut the ropes of the ponies’ containment off, hopped onto one of them, and led said troll away into the forest.

In rapid succession, Bilbo cut the rope off the base of the tree, tossed it to Kili, who then tossed the other end to Fili. Together, they rode the remaining two ponies in a circle around the remaining troll, wrapping his legs up in the thick rope until he too fell like his brother. “Now!”

This time, Bilbo was the one to finish off the troll, with Fili’s dagger to his throat. It was textbook, just like in “The Empire Strikes Back.” His father would be proud.

“And then there was one. Prepare yourselves!” Bilbo reminded them, signaling Kili to climb up a tree immediately, while he stood behind another tree from across.

On cue, Ori rode back into the clearing, with the last troll close behind him. Bilbo dug into his pocket and threw Bofur’s (diseased-ridden) rag in the troll’s face, blinding him and putting him to a brief stop.

“Guh! You blasted ferret!”

“Ferret?” Bilbo squeaked.

“LU’AU!!” Kili cried, jumping from the tree and onto his target, just as the troll tore the rag off him. The young dwarf held steadfast to him, while he attempted to remove him, but it was too little too late.

With a pitiful gasp, the last troll joined his brothers on the ground, his throat also slashed.

At the corner of Bilbo’s screen, the clock stopped at | Time remaining 00:03:24 |, rewound, and popped up a new window.

> **Save the Ponies**
> 
> | Time limit 00:20:00 |
> 
> Strategize with your team and release the ponies from the hands of the trolls before they’re eaten for supper.
> 
> Completed | Grade: A+
> 
> Reward: +5 Charisma, + 2 Health

[ **Achievement Unlocked** : Roast Mutton - Defeated the trolls ]

‘Bloody hell, it actually worked.’ Bilbo stood in disbelief, gazing over their work: 3 dead trolls and 3 rescued ponies. He felt like he should light up a cigar, like [Hannibal](https://youtu.be/NsUFBm1uENs) from ‘The A Team,’ and quote: “I love it when a plan comes together.”

All three accompanying dwarves tackled him to the ground with a whoop and cheered. “You were incredible, Mr. Boggins!”

“That was amazing!”

“Let’s not do that again.”

“We should _definitely_ do that again!”

“By the way Kili...” Bilbo began hesitantly, “... the thing you yelled out before you took out the last troll...”

“Yes! That is a battlecry, is it not?” Kili responded, his eyes shining.

“Um.... Sure.”

“LU’AU!!!” The three dwarves cried, before jumping back on to their hobbit. Oh no, this wasn’t going to become a thing, was it? He did not want to become Team [Hawaiian Party](https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/L%C5%AB%CA%BBau).

“What in Mahal’s underpants is going on here?”

Everyone instantly stopped what they were doing and whipped their heads around to see Dwalin and Thorin standing apart from them, surveying the scene.

* * *

_Thorin rode to the back of the line, where the others have conglomerated around the hobbit. “What’s going on here? Why have we stopped?”_

_“It’s the hobbit. He’s…” Nori trailed off, unsure of how to describe the situation._

_Bifur, who crouched in front of Bilbo, waved his hand in his face to no avail. Taking notice of Thorin’s presence, he signed, ‘He has been unresponsive since he fell off his pony.’_

_With a frustrated grunt, Thorin got off his pony to take Bifur’s place in front of their token hobbit, who remained completely passive. “Burglar…” he had begun with exasperation, which died a sudden death as soon as Thorin looked into his eyes. It was a look that he recognized, for he had seen the same eyes on thousands of his people the day Smaug attacked._

_Shock. Horror. Disbelief. Denial. Then defeat. He knew them well._

_“Master Baggins,” Thorin coaxed, gently this time, “Come. We cannot remain here.”_

_As if finally coming out his haze, his azurite eyes fluttered back to life and registered the dwarf in front of it. He hastily took note of his surroundings and saw that all everyone was gathered around him with unsure and concerned looks._

_“Oh! I-I’m sorry! I… Uh…” he rambled. He attempted to find something, anything, to explain what had happened. He came up with nothing, so he just repeated his apologies. “I’m sorry. It won’t happen again.”_

_Thorin just looked him over silently with an unreadable expression, which somehow made it all the worse. Thankfully, Balin interrupted the awkward moment. “Just as well, I think it is about time we make for camp, anyway. Don’t you?”_

_“Yes! Let’s get out of this blasted weather!” Dwalin exclaimed, thankful for the chance to finally get dry._

_The rest of the night remained on a sour note. Obviously, with the downpour, they couldn’t light a fire. That meant no warm dinner—just some tough jerky and stale bread. At least they had overhead canvas canopy to sleep under, however, and rags to dry off with. While the others tried to make the best out of their circumstances, exchanging stories and cracking a few jokes, Bilbo and Thorin remained in dour moods. Bofur attempted to cheer Bilbo up, but it was met with similar passivity from before. Nori, surprisingly, tried too._

_“Wait a moment, there is something different about you…” he teased, in reference to the mud still caked over him. In hindsight, it probably wasn’t the best time to make a jest like that. None of the dwarves wanted to poke their heads into what they assume was most likely very personal, they weren’t close enough with Bilbo yet. Most of them weren’t even really sure about him yet, but they weren’t cold enough to just leave him alone when he was in such obvious distress._

_“Rinse the mud off you with the rain, and get changed,” Oin insisted, urging Bilbo to remove his clothes, “You will catch a cold if you stay like this.”_

_Bilbo relented and was met with blanket when he finished. Though the cold and wet didn’t seem to bother him, he obliged. Thorin continued to watch him, remembering his eyes._

_The dwarf king thought about fire, smoke, and ash. His home, his people, and their pride. All gone, and it had happened in less than a day. From then on, fear and uncertainty were his most steadfast companions—they followed him like a shadow, growing larger than him with each passing year. The reflection of those eyes. Shock. Horror. Disbelief. Denial—_

_“Maybe you could sing something for us again? I think it could really cheer us all up,” Fili suggested, meaning for it to comfort Bilbo more than for the others. Fili was a bit more delicate and tactful than the others in their company. He could tell how much the hobbit enjoyed singing, just from the last few times he had done so for him.  
_

_ Bilbo glanced back at Fili, before looking away feeling slightly embarrassed. Perhaps he should, it was the least he could do for being such a drip. As usual, he started by clearing his throat. The first verse began shakily and muddled, just like he felt, before it became more steady and secure._

_“Don't you dare look out your window, darling everything's on fire,_

_The war outside our door keeps raging on,_

_Hold onto this lullaby even when the musics gone, gone,_

_Just close your eyes, the sun is going down,_

_You'll be alright, no one can hurt you now,_

_Come morning light, you and I'll be safe and sound…”_

_The feverish reflection of Thorin’s memories broke—the melody rippling through the echo of his thoughts until they were soothed from his mind’s eye. Gradually, Thorin fell asleep to the sweet song until all trace of his troubled consciousness was gone, and all that remained was a faint tune and his gentle snores._

* * *

“Wait a moment, there is something different about you…” Nori teased, after he heard the third retelling of their harrowing rescue of the ponies, complete with Kili’s enthusiastic arm waving and Ori’s skillful storytelling. Fili sat to the side, happily enjoying his dinner (finally) and perfectly content to let his brother have his moment.

This time, Bilbo responded to Nori’s light teasing with a smile.

‘There most certainly was,’ Thorin thought to himself. A soft smile graced his face, smoothing the lines that normally marred it from worry and stress. 

  
  
Balin wondered, not for the first time since their journey, if this was the subtle magic of halflings that he’d heard about, as he watched their merrymaking with Thorin. Perhaps the grey wizard has been right, and this hobbit was exactly what they needed.

...

...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If you're curious to know where Bilbo got his inspiration: the luau song is from Disney's "The Lion King," when Timone and Pumba had to distract the hyenas, and the rope maneuver is from the second Star Wars movie where they're battling ATATs in Hoth.
> 
> I’m so thankful for the reception that I’ve had with this story. It's good to be writing this story again. My original post of this, in my old account, was forgotten about for years until I recently got back into LotR. I’m glad that I gave it a second chance. Thank you so much for reading!


End file.
